By Power Voice Jaris Palmer
My message goes to those that are in the middle of high school and the beginning of college. These are confusing times. When you are in high school, you think you are on top of the world. And when you are in college, most likely, you are living on your own. The one thing these times have in common is you want to fit in and be popular. You want to be liked by the star jock. Mr. Popular how he is more communally known as. When he finally talks to you and tells you that you’re cute, you just melt. He tells you that he wants to take things a little further in the relationship, but you aren’t ready. There are so many questions that you have. You want to keep the limits you have set, you want to honor a commitment you made to God, but you don’t want to lose him. I have had that going through my mind a thousand times, and I have asked so many questions. These are some of the experiences that I have had, and the answers I have had to learn on my own.
One of the questions young girls ask themselves is:
Will he leave me if I don’t give in?
There is a simple answer: I don’t know. There are so many thoughts that goes through a boy’s mind. And for the most part, they do mostly have sex on their minds, no matter how hard they try to deny the feelings they have. There are some boys who don’t want sex at all. If he has the right idea and he is a great guy, he won’t pressure you to do what you aren’t comfortable with. A boy or man who truly respects a woman, knows not to pressure.
He told me he loved me, does that mean I have to have to say it back?
If you aren’t ready to say it, don’t. Love is a serious commitment and should only be expressed when you truly love someone. When you’re in high school, you experience puppy love not really loving someone. It can happen in college too. Finding that person that you love and that you want to spend the rest of your life with, takes a very long time. Don’t rush the feelings you have. If that person is sure that they love you, but you want your own answer, they are going to wait for you to catch up. And love is shown in so many ways. It doesn’t always have to be verbal. Sometimes doing little things for that person means more than just saying it. If you say you love someone, and your actions don’tshow it, do you truly love that person? Like faith, love requires action. From the movie, The Longest Ride, “love requires sacrifice; always.”
He keeps asking me for photos I’m not comfortable with, should I stop talking to him?
This is another question with a simple answer, duh! If he is asking you to send pictures that you aren’t comfortable with to fulfil his needs, then he needs to get his life in order and leave you alone. It doesn’t matter if he likes you, or if he’s the only boy who talks to you or whatever. It isn’t fair to you, who is trying to live the standards of the Lord, to be treated this way. If he keeps asking and if he tells you that he is going to send you a photo if you don’t send him what he wants, drop him. He is not worth your time and you need to report him for sexual harassment.
No daughter of God should have to go through that.
He kissed me, does that mean he likes me?
Honestly, that one is tricky. There are some boys that kiss because they do like you, but there are boys that kiss just to kiss. What are his actions when he kisses you? Does he hold you close and are they sweet? There are many boys out there that kiss just to make a girl want to have sex. It’s sad when a boy has to do that. And if a boy is going to do that, knowing you are trying to save your virginity, he is going to have a hard time in life. Some guys, I hate to say just want a kiss, which is stupid. If you don’t want to kiss them, don’t, no matter how much they pressure you. If you are saving your first kiss for someone special, if he’s a great guy, he is going to admire that of you. Also, if a boy is kissing you on the first date, and you aren’t dating, back away. He just wants you for your body and nothing else. The good guys don’t just waste kisses on every girl. And if he does kiss every girl on the first date, it’s not a compliment, in fact, it makes a girl feel less special.
He said I was pretty when he kissed me passionately, that must be a good thing right?
Not always. If I boy is kissing you passionately and trying to touch you inappropriately and is calling you beautiful, there has to be something fishy going on. A true man will love you and call you beautiful and not try anything with you. And if he is saying stuff like that, he really needs a lesson on what true beauty really is. A real man is going to say you look beautiful when you are in sweat pants, your hair is a mess and you aren’t wearing makeup. True beauty comes from within, not the outside. Because honestly, girls, you are beautiful and you don’t need a ton of
makeup to catch a guy. If you are doing your hair and makeup for you, that is different. But if a guy is telling you that you need to do all of this for him, he is a shallow, low-life jerk and you deserve much better.
He is giving me the choice to take that next step, what do I do?
He is hoping that you are going to say yes. Even though he is giving you the keys, he is still trying to show you that he still wants to take things further. He is also probably slightly swaying you to do what he wants you to do. A real man knows you limits and he is going to respect them. If he is pressuring you in anyway, he probably has low self-esteem. No man, or boy, would ever do that to a girl. Not when he has the right idea in his mind. If he loves you, truly, he is going to wait.
I really hope I helped clear up some questions that someone might have. There really isn’t need for a lot of pressure for dating. If someone truly cares about you, he is to respect you for standing up for what you believe. And I can promise you that if you stand up for what your standards and put your foot down, you will feel better about yourself. It is hard. You are thinking, “this boy is so cute and I don’t want him to hate me.” If his ego can’t handle a little rejection, that is his problem and not yours. Real men don’t pressure! I ask one little question, is giving up your commitment worth the popular boy?
You have one first time to give, why not make it count? Virginity is Gods precious gift to his daughters, He wants you to give it to someone who is worth it. Who isn’t to say that if you do give it up, that he isn’t going be with someone else? Make this count. Once it is gone, it is gone