Am I the only one that has been sexually abused?

Have you ever been alone, truly alone?  So alone that you know no one is coming to be with you–ever?  Close your eyes and image that.  Being that alone is how a victim of sexual abuse feels.  They feel abandoned by family, friends, and church because they feel that nothing this bad could happen to anyone else.  They can’t speak up because of guilt, shame, fear and the pain they could cause themselves and others.   They often feel abandoned by God, thinking that a good and powerful loving God would never allow sexual abuse to occur!

The sad truth is that if you are a victim of sexual abuse you are not the only one and you are not alone.  Others have walked this rocky path before and have survived, even thrived.

Just a few numbers to shed some light on this dark secret and how prevalent sexual abuse is:

• Every 109 seconds someone experiences sexual assault in the United States.
• Every 8 minutes that victim is a child.
• The majority of sexual assaults occur at or near the victim’s home.
• A majority of child victims are 12-17.  A third of the victims are under age 12.
• One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner.
• Approximately 70% of sexual assault cases are never reported to authorities.

It’s hard to determine exactly how much sexual abuse is going on because so much of it is unreported.  So you can be sure the numbers above (we mean people) is less than what is actually happening. 

There are a few things that Voices for Virtue want everyone, especially victims of sexual abuse, to know.

You are not alone.  There are a lot of people and resources available to you.  You no longer have to feel alone and afraid.

And, this is the most important part.  God is real and He loves you.  As you or someone you know makes the hardest decision of their life; to come forward and tell their story, confront their abusers and seek healing, God will be there with open arms for you.  You are never truly alone because God is always near.

Go to voicesforvirtue.org/sexualabuse for more information and resources.

Taking Action Isn’t Easy, But I Can Do It!

Living alone with the secret of sexual abuse, yours or someone you know, is awful. Keeping this secret can destroy you. Sexual abuse thrives with secrets and lies.

Too often sexual abuse is allowed to go on and on, getting worse because it is a “secret.”   There are a lot of reasons that make it hard to speak out.  Here are some of the more common.

• They are afraid that their abuser will harm them again – “I’m scared. He (offender) said he would hurt me if I told.”
• They do not want to make a very private matter public – “It is nobody else’s business.”
• They are worried that they will be blamed for what happened – “He told me it’s my fault. I feel so guilty.”
• They think no one will believe them – “It’s my word against his. They’ll never believe me.”
• They believe telling someone will make it worse – “He will go to jail. Telling will destroy my family.”

Taking action, speaking out, telling someone, can be the hardest thing you will ever do. But, it will also be the best thing.

There are people in your life who love you, no matter what. Talk to them and they will help you.  There are also people you can trust—school teachers, police, counselors.  The important thing is to tell someone.

Until the silence is broken, healing cannot begin.

Where Can I Go to Get Help?

Sexual abuse is a modern plague that leaves broken and devastated people and families in its wake.  Its damage can be a life long struggle and affect generations.  As terrible as sexual abuse is there is hope.  Hope to eradicate it from our lives and society and more importantly, hope for the survivors to live full, wonderful, happy, fulfilling lives. Lives free from the damage, pain, anger and shame caused by their abusers.

First there are a few things to know and feel in your heart.

1. You are not guilty. You are not to blame.  You are a survivor.
2. Sexual abuse can become all-consuming but you are not your abuse. You are a whole person of which the abuse is but a part. There is more to your life that is good, wholesome, and healthy than there is dark and horrible.
3. Abuse and it effects thrive in silence and secrecy. Shine a light on it and it diminishes and can go away.
4. Healing from abuse is an individual journey. Everyone’s path to healing is their own and will take time and effort.
5. There is someone in your life who loves and cares for you. They can help.  You do not have to walk the path of healing alone.

And most importantly—

6. God loves you and He is there to lift your burdens and heal your soul.

We know that in the times that are the darkest it may seem like God has abandoned you.  He hasn’t.  With His love you can be made whole as so many sexual abuse survivors will tell you.

Remember, no matter how far away you run from God, He is always there, ahead.

We at Voices for Virtue support the courage and determination of anyone working to recover from sexual abuse.   We know that with understanding comes enlightenment. With this in mind, we have compiled an extensive list of resources that you or someone you know suffering from sexual abuse can use to get the knowledge and help needed to start the healing process.

Go to VoicesforVirtue.org/sexualabuse to get the resources needed to start the journey to healing.

What is Sexual Abuse?

Some sexual abuse is easy to define.  Being touched where and when you don’t want to.  Saying no, and the other person doesn’t stop.  Rape.   Adults having sex with children.  But other types of sexual abuse are not so easy to define.  At Voices for Virtue we have come up with some definitions that may help.

Sexual Abuse is:

Sexual touching between an adult and a child.

Sexual touching between youth/children where there is a significant age difference. (3 or more years)

Sexual looking, showing, or touching to meet the other person’s sexual needs.

When someone pressures, bribes, or tricks you into:

• touching yours or their body parts,
• watching pornographic material,
• acting or modeling for pornographic pictures or videos,
• using technology such as digital photos, videos, apps, and social media to engage in harassing, unsolicited, or unwanted sexual behavior, or
• letting them watch you while showering or changing.

Any producing, distributing, or viewing of child pornography.

There is a lot more to sexual abuse that you may have thought.  Probably you or someone you know has been in an uncomfortable situation and didn’t know what to do. When you think back on the situation you realize you may have been sexually abused.  Knowing what to look for is an important part of the solution to stopping sexual abuse.

Here are some real world examples that may or may not be sexual abuse.

What do you think?

• My boyfriend puts his hand around me and slips his hand down on my breast on top of my clothes without asking.  Beth
• At school other boys hit my groin area on top of my clothes, they call it squirrel taping. I don’t like them doing it to me. Dan
• The boys at school flip my bra strap and make rude remarks. It really embarrasses me. I’ve told them to stop it. Carol
• The boys play this game of slapping girls’ butts at school. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Jill
• My older brother seems to walk in on me when I’m showering and changing my clothes. It makes me feel weird. Sarah.
• My stepdad keeps trying to show me some of his porn on his I-pad. Darrell
• My boyfriend keeps asking me to send him some pictures of me nude. I keep telling him no. He sends me nude pictures of him all the time. I hate it.  Cassie
• This group of boys at school call me the “B” word and other swear words when I walk to my class. It really embarrasses me. Emmy

The reality is…

If you feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, or pressured into any kind of sexual behavior, it is probably sexual abuse.  Say NO, STOP, I’m Leaving, or whatever it takes to get out of the situation and then talk to someone.  Keeping silent makes things worse for everyone.

More information on Sexual Abuse