…it’ll be legendary.
85% of Americans today believe that sex before marriage is okay. Many of these people believe that sex is crucial to an early relationship because, let’s be honest, why waste your time with someone that can’t give you good sex?
A group of researchers set out to find out if having sex earlier on in a relationship was helpful or hurtful. They figured there were two options:
- Having sex early on in a dating relationship helps you figure out if you have sexual chemistry. Testing the ways you get along sexually will lead to a better relationship in the future.
- Having sex before marriage leads to more unhappy relationships because it requires you to dive into an emotionally and physically vulnerable place before commitment and trust actually exist in the relationship.
In order to test which one of these ideas were right, they surveyed 2035 married couples. Here’s what they actually found:
The longer a couple waited to have sex before marriage, the higher the chances were that they had good communication in their relationship, lower risk of breaking up, higher satisfaction in their relationship overall, and, wait for it…
Not only does waiting until you’re married increase the overall quality of your relationship, it increases the quality of your sex life!
The couples who waited to have sex until after marriage did better in all of these areas, and the earlier couples had sex before marriage, the worse off they were in all domains.
Contrary to what most people think, what really makes good sex is a relationship based on trust, emotional depth, and commitment. Early dating relationships don’t have these elements, and having sexual relations before a solid level of commitment and trust is established can have harmful effects.
Although we don’t have all the answers, I believe that this is one of the reasons that God has warned us against having sex before marriage. He knows that we will be the happiest, relationally and sexually, when we have sex only with our committed spouse in a safe relationship. This research shows me that God knows what He’s talking about, and we should listen. So wait for it!
Busby, D. M., Carroll, J. S., & Willoughby, B. J. (2010). Compatibility or restraint? The effects of sexual timing on marriage relationships. Journal of Family Psychology, 24(6), 766.
Christopher, F. S., & Sprecher, S. (2000). Sexuality in marriage, dating, and other relationships: A decade review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62, 999–1017.
Kaestle, C. E., & Halpern, C. T. (2007). What’s love got to do with it? Sexual behaviors of opposite-sex couples through emerging adulthood. Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 39, 134 –140.